Knifemaking: remembering the magic, and the Bounty Hunter

May 11, 2021May 12, 2021 / ballardmidyette / Leave a comment

“Come On, Baby! Do The Magic Hand Thing!”

-Greef Karga, from “The Mandalorian“

I remember, at the age of fourteen, running around my grandmother’s backyard and pretending to have a lightsaber and desperately attempting to feel the Force flowing through me. It was around 1998 or 1999, and I had just seen the special edition of “Return of the Jedi”. Other fourteen year-olds I knew were busy with sports, or having girlfriends, or smoking cigarettes, drinking, or doing drugs. In other words, doing nearly anything but pantomiming a nearly fifteen-year-old sci-fi-fantasy film in a relative’s backyard, but there I was. By that point I had been neck deep in the lore of Star Wars for years. I had all the books- from the Jedi Academy series and Tales of the Bounty Hunters, to the books detailing the technical specifications of the weapons, technology, vehicles, and alien races. I played Dark Forces and Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight, Jedi Knight II, Shadows of the Empire, and half a dozen others. I knew the legacies of Dash Rendar, Kyle Katarn, and how to make a Ruby Bliel. I had the soundtrack to all three films, each on double cassette. I hadn’t tasted the kool-aid: I had dove headfirst into a vat of the stuff.

What this type of fixation does in younger people, as any nerd-dom member will tell you, is allows one to cultivate a rich inner life and vivid imagination for things. It also teaches one to see the magic where one would not normally expect to see it. This is why many nerds grow up to be incredibly interesting and capable adults.

On top of this, everyone experiences times when they find it difficult to see the magic in life. Falling down rabbit holes teaches you how to nurture yourself when everything might not be so inspiring. The thing that has always saved me is remembering what it is to feel the mystery of it all. The past year has been an exercise in this. Most of my work has been cancelled due to Covid and as of yet has not come back. No knife shows, no gigs, minimal commissions. One of the bright spots of this whole debacle has been season two of the Mandalorian in the fall and winter of 2020. When you’ve been stuck at home doing menial pandemic work just trying to pay the bills, there are few things like a person of a mysterious creed and badass armor having interstellar adventures with Carl Weathers and Bill Burr and a Force-sensitive baby Yoda. Every week I tuned in like I was fourteen. It’s deeply reassuring to know that during such troubled times there are things to make you remember why you pursue that which you value and help you to feel the magic in everything.

For me this is the beauty of having a small custom knife shop. You can do anything you like. There are limitations, the greatest being time, but almost anything that you can think of you can usually do (provided you have the patience.) In this respect, it’s important to keep the mind limber and receptive to creativity for when the muse strikes us. If I am not inspired, I know how to find those things because I’ve been doing it since I was little. Sometimes it’s podcasts, or a song, or a line from a book, or perhaps even a conversation or something I’ve eaten. Because of the pandemic and not going out into the world in my accustomed fashion, this has been quite challenging most days. If I can stir myself, then i can certainly stir someone with a knife I’ve built. If I’ve done that, then my job is complete.

But sometimes we get commissions where WE are the ones who get stirred. We prefer to do everything in house and make sure the work comes from our own hand. While we don’t outsource tasks very often, occasionally we’ll get a commission that is interesting to us and requires that we do so. I received and email from a very good customer asking if I could get a Mythasaur skull on a custom blade and sheath. I thought of how the Mandalorian was such an oasis during a tough time; my own personal magic-hand-thing. I came up with a design that I hoped could fit a Mandalorian bounty hunter and found a laser engraving company in town. Chase your muse, do the work, and walk your path, don’t give up. It’s a journey but this is the way.

Removing a bit of weight and putting in rivet holes

A technical schematic for the laser people: precision is the name of the game.

Proofs showing how the engraving will look- the blue is for contrast.

The handle is made from a pair of Carhartt Dungarees I got too fat for….

And this is the raw material, about 3/16″ to 1/4″ thick.

A PCB filler blank, rescued from a dumpster.

Everything gets drilled and glued/riveted together.

Shaped to fit the hand. This is off the grinder at 60 grit. The rest will be done by hand to help the material speak.

At around 120 grit you can see the “grain” start to speak. The higher you polish it, the more pronounced it will be.

Knifemaking: on the power of curiousity, and The Esperto Universale

December 18, 2020December 31, 2020 / ballardmidyette / 1 Comment

“Some may have, and some may not
God, I’m thankful for what I got“

Warren Zevon- “Hasten Down the Wind”

Ever since I was a little boy, I was always interested in people who did things. Everyone likes to ask children what they want to be when they grew up, but when asked I never really had an answer. I always wanted to know how to do things and why things worked the way they did. I use to spend hours in the how-to section of the library, and record songs I liked off the radio to cassettes. I’d listen to them over and over again to see if I could figure out what made them move me so, all the while wondering how the person who wrote it pulled it out of themselves. For hours and hours I would listen. To nurture this, I was given painting and music lessons. As I got older, though I couldn’t have articulated it at the time, I realized I wanted to be a professional doer-of-things. Unfortunately, there is no specific vocation for that, no box that school guidance counselors can check off or program that they can put you in. I did my best to fit in and do as well as I could in school. School administrators want to see you be a productive member of society and we were all nudged toward that goal, but it all felt boring to me.

Fortunately the curious parts of me were nurtured by band directors, private music instructors, and Boy Scout leaders. I studied jazz and dissected chord changes and figured out what made things sound the way they did. I played in concert bands, jazz groups, and marching band. If it weren’t for marching band I never would have had any dates to school dances. On the weekends I’d go on camping trips and figure out different ways to set things on fire with a bunch of other wild ass kids. In the summer I would go to the local camp and sail boats, shoot guns, practice archery, and continue to set things on fire.

When most kids were saving up for beach week, I bought a Tascam 414 MkII four track cassette recorder. I taught myself guitar and wrote songs in a seven member rock outfit with metalheads, grungers, and punk rockers. Over the years we would play battle of the bands and anywhere that would have us. We rocked middle school dances like nobody’s business.

I went to college and studied music. In the summers I built commercial cabinets in a cabinet shop and tiled kitchens and bathroom working an apartment maintenance gig. Technically these could qualify as shit jobs but I really enjoyed seeing a re-done bathroom that was made nice by my own hands, or driving by a high-powered lawyer’s office and knowing I built all their reception desks. It’s empowering to know that it’s within your power to make beautiful things.

I graduated from college just shy of the 2008 financial collapse. I had figured I would land in some sort of interesting vocation and somebody would just hand me a bag of money, but the country was a wasteland for anyone getting out into the world at that time. People were losing everything they had worked for and the system couldn’t give less of a fuck about a whole batch of college grads who were ready and willing to be functioning members of society. Everything I had heard growing up about the metrics of success turned out to be out of sync with what the world was becoming. Suffice to say expectations were non-existent. I decided I would just continue to do things that I found interesting. If I was going to be poor, I might as well do the things that spoke to me.

I worked just about everything that seemed interesting. When you’re curious about things you tend to say yes to things that come your way. I played gigs and wrote and arranged music. I worked in operations for the local symphony, ballet, and various concert venues or arenas. I was a shipping clerk for a hot minute, a summer camp head of resident life, and managed a warehouse for an auction house. I don’t think I’ve ever been bored and met a lot of other curious people who had appreciation for the mystery of it all. People that you would call renaissance men (or women), who were off the beaten path. Universal spirits who understand the magic that comes from being curious and chasing the muse.

The Esperto Universale was built for one such man I met a few years ago. I was at a friend’s farm for thanksgiving, a potter and musician and overall curious man. He had some of his friends over who were also curious and interesting people. I struck up a conversation with a gentleman about working for Taylor Swift’s Red tour- it turns out he had built the steampunk piano for her show. He was neighbors with Michael McDonald and played porch concerts with him. He and his wife founded the Blackberry Jam Music Festival in Tennessee and perform on it as well. He’s also an inventor and has patents on products you can get at Home Depot.

There’s no roadmap for anything in this life and while I am use to being the odd man out in most situations, it’s always reassuring to meet others that have made being off the beaten path a successful lifestyle. In a brutal world, these sorts of souls you meet along the way help you to feel me connected and seen.

This knife was commissioned by his loving wife. This gentleman is a woodworker and musician, among other things, so I used some reclaimed Cherrywood that came off an old mantlepiece. The bolster is a micarta made from black jeans that I used to wear for a weekly big band gig. Something one of a kind for a unique man.

Bevels ground. The drawing showed a swedge, but that was out of concern that the tip would be too thick. The knife ended up not needing it.

Removing the rough machine marks by hand before heat treatment

Tempered to remove stress from the steel after tempering.

Gig pants to be cut up and layered in fiberglass resin.

PCB board from network chassis. Rescued from a dumpster.

The Esperto Universale is made of high carbon steel, which means it will take a keen edge, hold it a good while, and will be easy to sharpen. It will stain and patina and tell the stories of the places you’ve been- this natural and characteristic of the steel. Your knife is made to be used so don’t be shy about getting it dirty. Be sure to keep your knife clean and oiled when not in use. Should you find any unpleasant surface oxidization you can remove it easily with a lightly oiled bit of 0000 steel wool, or a coarse rag with a bit vinegar on it.

The Blackberry Jam Festival

Knifemaking: on hitting your mark, and The Crack Shot

December 16, 2020December 21, 2020 / ballardmidyette / Leave a comment

“Each arrow leaves a memory in your heart, and it is the sum of those memories that will make you shoot better and better.”

Paulo Coelho- The Archer

A few years ago I went to go see a modern dance piece with my girlfriend. It was called “Tensegrity” and was based on the idea of tension in cells: wherein the structure of the cell is maintained through continuous tension in some of it’s supports and continuous compression in others. When any one of those tensions or compressions are interrupted the cell falls apart, or at least that’s my understanding of it. This idea has been around since the 1960’s, and is a portmanteau of “tensile” and “integrity”. These days the idea is used a lot in contemporary architecture and to make coffee tables and other furniture. There are loads of these tensegrity tables and sculptures on Pinterest, but the first I had ever heard of this was at that performance.

The choreographer of this piece is a good friend of of ours and after the performance we went to get a drink with him. I’ve always admired how prolific he is, constantly moving from piece to piece, work to work, and the way each performance had it’s own voice and character. I was a bit stuck at the time and was curious how this man could take shot after shot and always hit his target. So I asked him.

He told me that whatever you do, you have to do a lot of it, and sometimes badly. Everything is connected, he told me, and each piece builds off what you have done before and is fed by your collective experience. Always keep going, and always be thinking of what’s next. At least I think that’s what he said; a fairly liberal number of martinis and fireball shots were consumed and things started to get a little fuzzy…

Over the years I’ve thought about that night, and how seemingly incongruous disciplines fit together to propel a skill or craft forward. You hear about football players taking ballet but I met an orthopedic surgeon who was an ace pickle maker, and one of my favorite knifemakers is an avid botanist. So when you find choreographers exploring contemporary cell biology or bowhunters dabbling in Vipisanna meditation, you will probably find that they are drawing connections that are deepening and balancing something. Whenever I talk to people who are really good at what they do, I find there is an ocean of eclectic and varied experiences just beneath the veneer of whatever it is they practice that adds something special to their work. The sum of our experiences can always help us hit our mark.

The Crack Shot is a nod to this idea that the sum of our experiences can always help us hit our mark. It was built for a hunter and a woodsman. “Crack Shot” is an homage to his grandfather, the original Crack Shot, who taught him about being with nature, shooting, and how to hit your mark. It is the intention of this knife, with it’s blend of handmade and reclaimed material, to help it’s recipient remember the man who helped him be where he is today.

Grinding in the bevels and swedges. Since this is thick stock, the swedge will make a finer point for piercing.

Removing the machine grinds by hand. This will make polishing easier after heat treatment.

After tempering- note the faint straw colors. This has drawn much of the stress out of the blade that built up during quench, making it much more durable.

The client wanted something masculine and woodsy. I find there are few things more timeless that flannel and denim.

Alternating layers, so each piece should form a grain and be able to speak more articulately.

Each layer of clothes is smothered in fiberglass resin.

This is the raw material. All the layer have been permeated with resin, making everything a solid block.

A rough mockup so I know how everything fits together.

This gets sanded before glue up. I won’t be able to get to this part after everything is glued and riveted together.

A piece of block walnut. I was doing tree work at an artist’s house in Charlotte Court House, Virginia. He had loads of this stuff. It was milled by his neighbor, a retired parishioner who started an abbey in South Korea in the late 1990’s to help North Korean defectors acclimate to a free country. It is very beautiful wood.

A fiberglass PCB blank for a network chassis full of hardware that runs your internet. This was rescued from a dumpster.

All laid out and everything fits together.

The Crack Shot is made of high carbon steel, which means it will take a keen edge, hold it a good while, and will be easy to sharpen. It will stain and patina and tell the stories of the places you’ve been- this natural and characteristic of the steel. Your knife is made to be used so don’t be shy about getting it dirty. Be sure to keep your knife clean and oiled when not in use. Should you find any unpleasant surface oxidization you can remove it easily with a lightly oiled bit of 0000 steel wool, or a coarse rag with a bit vinegar on it.

Some further reading on cellular tensegrity referenced in the text body above:

Constructing Tensegrity Structures From One-Bar Elementary Cells

Knifemaking: softening and connection; and the Gun Dog

November 11, 2020December 10, 2020 / ballardmidyette / Leave a comment

“How we fall into grace. You can’t work or earn your way into it. You just fall. It lies below, it lies beyond. It comes to you, unbidden.”
― Rick Bass, Colter: The True Story of the Best Dog I Ever Had

I wouldn’t have ever really considered myself a dog person, not really. There is an appreciation and respect for all animals, both wild and domesticated, and whatever creature I meet I try to let them know that I see them- a deep namaste and acknowledgement of being. But as far “being a dog person”… I’m just not sure I have whatever that is.

A couple of years ago my girlfriend said she was thinking about getting a dog. I told her don’t do it. My only reasoning was that we were all very busy doing interesting and challenging work, her kids were getting older and doing more things, and everyone was tired all the time. I figured it would probably be best if we held onto every ounce of emotional energy that we could.

In spite of my reasons, which themselves came from a lovingly practical and pragmatic place, she did not listen to me. This lady is one of the most unfailingly capable people I know, a wonderful mother, with the uncanny ability to make everything around her better than it was before, even on her worst days. It was no surprise when she brought home a several-month-old rescue puppy. This dog was a lemon drop beagle mix with the biggest ears I’d ever seen. She seemed to be equal parts fruit bat, luck dragon, and polar bear.

The local animal league had told my girlfriend that this dog and her sister had been found abandoned in a barn. The puppy’s sister had some sort of severe muscular dysplasia and had found a home. My girlfriend’s puppy had a little bit of this, but much less so. She moved around fine but a closer look showed her front half didn’t quite work together with her back half.

When I met her she was still adjusting to her new home. She was terrified of doorways and dinner plates. She didn’t want to leave whatever room she was in and when she did she scuttled through like something was going to get her. If you were to put down a plate of puppy chow in front of her she would back away as if it were going to bite her. In spite of all of this she was a deeply loving and affectionate dog which was amazing considering the shit sandwich of a beginning she had been given. At that moment, shortly after meeting this dog, I felt something soften toward this wonky little barn dog that was part fruit bat, luck dragon, and polar bear; this sweet little creature that I told my girlfriend not to get.

Over the next few years I would tell this dog that I was sorry I told her mom not to get her. She had grown into a rather stunning animal, and her front half worked together much better with her back half. Doorways weren’t too much of a problem though her old nemesis the dinner plate still gave her pause. I found myself very attached to her and, though she was very much a lady dog and a product of my girlfriend’s deep nurture, I would find her to be the loving presence that I didn’t know I needed. The dog just loved everybody.

A couple of years ago I had a table saw accident that left me needing reconstructive hand surgery. It was incredibly stressful and emotionally grueling. All of my work and projects and everything I was so busy with would come grinding to a halt for the next few months. My girlfriend moved me into her house for a week and took time off work- thankfully the kids were away at summer camp. My girlfriend’s dog never really left my side. I remember the dog licking my gimpy hand every so often and then pressing in to me and going to sleep, which prompted me go to sleep. I don’t remember much of that week, except my girlfriend smiling and her really sweet dog. It sounds really silly, and perhaps it was the massive amount of post-op hyrdromorphone I was prescribed, but I figured I should probably take the example of the dog that I told my girlfriend not to get and find a way to dig in a little deeper with her and the kids.

Connection can be a struggle and there’s no manual on the right way to go about it. Sometimes it takes a sweet dog after a traumatic event to help you see what you should be doing. Part fruit bat, part luck dragon, part polar bear (everybody is good and healthy, including my hand and the dog I told my girlfriend not to get). If a responsible adult in your life tells you they want a dog, you should tell them to go right ahead.

This knife was commissioned for a retired gentlemen who trains English Setters for hunting. Hunting Dogs, or Gun Dogs as they are called have been around for centuries. Particularly, the training of Setters can be traced back to Robert Dudley, the Earl of Leicester in the 1500’s. It was commissioned by a loving daughter, and has “Pop Pop” etched on the flat of the blade from his grandchildren.

Removing material in the handle make for a more balanced blade.

Everything profiled out. Being that it is made from thinner stock, it will go in the forge as is to prevent warping during hardening.

The blade needs to come to critical temperature, which is around 1500F. By the colors you can see that it is almost there.

After the quench. There wasn’t warpage but I still clamp it in the vise at the areas where it would typically bend. When it comes out of the oil it is around 300-400F, and during this time any major warps can be corrected before it cools.

The bevels have been ground in and machine finished to 120 grit.

This has been hand sanded up to 600 grit, finishing with vertical pulls. This will get etched in acid to provide a scaffold for the patina to build, and also give it a more rustic look.

Electro-chemical etching using nail polish, some salted vinegar and a nine volt battery with some alligator clips. This allows me to essentially burn text onto the steel.

A pair of Carthartt work dungarees, probably about 10 years old.

Instructions for Care:

Your knife is made of high carbon steel, which means it will take a keen edge, hold it a good while, and will be easy to sharpen. It has been etched in acid and shipped to you coated in food safe mineral oil. It will stain and patina and tell the stories of the places you’ve been. Be sure to keep your knife clean and oiled when not in use. Should you find any unpleasant surface oxidization you can remove it easily with a lightly oiled bit of 0000 steel wool, or a coarse rag with a bit vinegar on it. She is built to be used, so don’t be shy about getting her dirty.

You can read more about Gun Dogs here, as well as find more resources on this very old tradition

Knifemaking: a commencement address (of sorts), and the Masilda

June 26, 2020July 27, 2020 / ballardmidyette / Leave a comment

Dear Younger Person Whom I’ve Never Met Before:

Some very dear friends of mine asked me to make a knife for you. These friends of mine are wonderful people that I have known for quite some time, and shared many adventures. They told me they have known your parents for a long time as well, so I can infer that your parents are wonderful people too. They have also known you since you were born and, if I may be so bold, I can only assume that you are a wonderful person as well, and that we are well met.

I was also told you have completed your secondary studies and are going out into the world- congratulations! My very dear friends asked me to make you something special, but also something that was functional and practical. Something that would serve you well on outdoor adventures; an elegant tool and faithful companion. Something to remind you of where you have grown up. A security blanket that doubles as a prayer rosary and, if I may say so, a bold fashion statement.

As you may have noticed, Younger-Person-Whom-I’ve-Never-Met-Before, the situation of the world is a bit spicier than usual. To be honest, the only thing that has gotten me out of the house most days in this great year of 2020 is knowing that I will be coming back home as soon as possible. In spite of my trepidations of late, I’ve found that time marches on and life stops for no one, and there’s no point in staying home and being afraid while life passes you by. The world cares not for our anxieties, worries, or fears, Younger-Person-Whom-I’ve-Never-Met-Before, and the sooner this is understood the freer we become. Be sure to wear a mask, practice social distancing, and listen to the experts. That is what they are here for.

I have designed and built you a bushcraft knife. She is made from 1095 hi-carbon steel, which has been differentially hardened. What this means is, while the whole blade is hardened, the cutting edge is the only part of the blade at full hardness and the spine is just slightly softer. This offers durability and a slight bit of give, like a samurai sword. There is a smoky line along the edge of the blade and a slight color change where you can see the differences in hardness.

The handle contains a piece of bookmatched Texas Mesquite. It comes from a cousin of mine near Big Springs, milled on his property. The bolster is made from a pair of lady jeans that belonged to my girlfriend- vintage Levi’s 501’s, something strong and deeply feminine. Your knife is stout and sturdy; strong enough to baton firewood but lithe enough to prepare dinner.

I named her Masilda, which is an old Romany-Traveller name that means ‘battle-ready’. And while I am no authority on anything, your knife does contain a few truths and values in which I strongly believe. Having a knife named battle-ready is no empty moniker and I have consolidated a trifecta of practices and that you may find useful in navigating a complicated world. When you use your knife I hope that you think of them:

-Speak your truth. The media says that we are in the post-truth era, an age of alternative facts, and other dressed-up horseshit designed to keep you from critically analyzing what’s going on around you. The reality is that the truth always matters, and always will. Make sure you know your own truths- the things you know to be right and good about yourself and how you see yourself in the world. Clothe yourself in them. Should you ever feel lost you’ll know exactly where they are- they will help you find your bearings.

-You can always make more money, but you can’t make more time. Time is the currency of our terminal human experience. While making a living is necessary, be aware of how much of your time you sell to a job that only cares about profit margins and what they can squeeze out of you. If you ever have any doubts about what you should be doing with the time you have been given, refer to the above bullet point. You’ll know what to do and you’ll be able to hold yourself in esteem while doing it.

Be kind. It’s sounds cliche, like something written on a shoddy mass-market pressboard wall decoration in the Housewares Section of Target, but do your best to be kind. It’s the connective fiber of our collective human experience during our brief time on this lovely little world. If you can, you will find that the world opens up to you a bit easier, and is perhaps a bit richer and more vibrant. There may be situations you need to tell someone to eat a big bag of shit. Only do so out of kindness.

Wishing you many happy years with the Masilda.

The Masilda started with a drawing, a drop point style:

I had a bigger piece of steel than I thought, so the actual knife is a bit longer than the drawing:

Jimping- to prevent slipping when choking up on the blade:

Rough grinds:

Wet-sanding out the machine marks:

The hardening process:

After quench:

After tempering, a satin finish:

A pair of vintage lady jeans from my partner, deeply-loved and well-worn:

Fiberglass resin will be layered between pieces of denim, like a lasagna. The pathc will go in as well:

Now smash the whole thing together:

The raw material:

Cut and drilled in, with the blade profile traced in so that i know where everything is:

Texas Mesquite:

It smells really good:

Computer board blank rescued from a dumpster. It’s just a thin piece of fiberglass board:

Denim and computer board at 60 grit:

At 800:

All ready for glue up:

Glued and clamped

Shaping up:

From here, all the sanding is done by hand:

The higher the grit you go, the more pronounced the grain and fiber:

The Masilda:

Instructions for Care:

Your knife is made of high carbon steel, which means it will take a keen edge, hold it a good while, and will be easy to sharpen. It will stain and patina and tell the stories of the places you’ve been. Be sure to keep your knife clean and oiled when not in use. Should you find any unpleasant surface oxidization you can remove it easily with a lightly oiled bit of 0000 steel wool, or a coarse rag with a bit vinegar on it. She is built to be used, so don’t be shy about getting her dirty.

Knifemaking: The Ace, revisited

August 29, 2019September 4, 2019 / ballardmidyette / Leave a comment

“When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.”

Patrick Rothfuss- The Name of the Wind

(you can read about the original crafting of this knife here)

As I approach early middle-age I find myself surrounded by the children of my close friends. They are marvelous little beings, unfettered by the troubles of the world, and always see possibilities and wonder around every corner. In watching many of them grow up I feel like I’m let in on a beautiful little secret as they walk, talk, and become more cognizant of everything going on around them. Boldly pursuing their curiosities, there is a pronounced presence in their endeavors and the way they move through their little worlds.

This unfettered presence of being is a subtle reminder that as an adult I am always second-guessing myself. “I wish I had done that better,” I will think to myself, or “I wish I had been kinder.” Rumination at the end of a bad day can trouble my sleep, and the thought of facing the day the next morning can be daunting. I will often judge harshly my perceived tumbling through the world and wonder if I am doing any of this right. There are moments when I find it hard to get excited about anything. Many of the adults I confide in are often thinking the same thing. These are merely symptoms of being grown in an extremely complicated world, and as many therapists have assured me over the years, are completely normal feelings to have.

Much of this melts away when I spend time with the children of people I’m close to. They don’t think about any of those things. As someone crashing through adulthood, I find that to be deeply reassuring. I am also reminded that I am in fact an adult- no, you can’t have cookies for dinner, you can’t use your Ipad in the bathtub, and yes I do have to leave (please don’t be sad, I’ll be back). I’m not sure how such big feelings can be contained in such tiny people.

About four years ago I made a blunted knife for the oldest child of some good friends of mine. They have a house on some property in the country about 45 minutes out of the city. They grow mushrooms and berries and have animals and forests. I know the place pretty well- I helped them move out there.

There are now four children at their home. They are farm kids in the summer. I saw all of them the other week when I was doing a side job delivering some water containers to his dad, who uses them to run his homestead. While he was sorting out another visitor, I went in to say hello to the kids. They were all confused, except for the oldest, and asked me who I was and why I was in their house.

I told them who I was and that I was there to help their dad. I was then barraged with questions and chatter- the oldest shows me their puppy, the second oldest tells me she doesn’t remember me, the third oldest asked me why I was there a second time, the youngest doesn’t talk yet but eyes me suspiciously. Dad comes in and clears everything up. I don’t think there are too many visitors during a weekday, and I felt that my presence was a happy little gift. I’ve found the most sincere thing a kid can do is talk to you.

Before their dad and I unload the truck I brought in the oldest, whom I’ve known since he was three, wants to show me his treasures. He pulls a box out of his room and starts removing things- some small folding knives, a bit of paracord, and a compass. He is immensely proud and can’t even contain it. I’m a bit jealous. As a large man when I get excited it usually scares people. So I quietly and secretly took in his excitement with him. Whoever figures out how to concentrate little boy excitement and put it in supplement form will make a mint.

His dad and I went out back to unload the truck and this little boy received instructions to make lunch for his brothers and sisters. A few minutes he comes out with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me. His dad hands me his blunted knife I made a couple years ago and asked if I could make it into a real knife. I tell him I sure can.

Because in the end, it’s not just a knife.

This little boy isn’t thinking about the bigger picture but I am. In seeing his reworked knife, I hope this little boy will learn to see what it is to grow and improve as he figures things out. I hope that he will learn to look back on where he’s been and feel satisfaction in seeing how far he’s come. I hope he will see what it means to put beautiful work out into the world and the empowerment contained within speaking his truth. Most of all I wish him to not fret about the future and to trust in his tireless human spirit. This is the lesson of the Ace.

This was the knife I made him four years ago. It is a hardened and tempered butter knife that allowed him to get comfortable with carrying a bladed tool.

The handle was coming off- we’ll put a new one on. Off with the old:

The blade is re-profiled so it has a point and will cut:

Giving him a good polish:

Satin:

Black Walnut:

Computer board blank for spacing material. Though it looks yellow, it will be green when fully polished:

Drilling the rivet holes:

The part of the handle that meets the ricasso is shaped and polished before glue-up:

Glued:

Profiled:

Shaped. From here on out it’s all hand work:

The Ace, revisited:

Knifemaking: having a quiet day and the Woodsman, Mark Deux

July 19, 2018July 23, 2018 / ballardmidyette / 2 Comments

‘In silence there is eloquence. Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves.’

-Rumi

From mid-January to mid-June of this year everything had been a blur. I was running from job to job, gig to gig, knife to knife, trying to stay on top of everything. Every time that I felt like I had room to breathe, something else would come up. Car repairs, state taxes, doctors’ visits, new tools. It was always something and I was hustling left and right, making sure everything was moving forward and getting taken care of.

Then I had an accident that pretty much stopped everything.

I injured two of my fingers pretty seriously on a table saw. I was cutting some very thin material when the saw bound up and kicked, and I couldn’t get away fast enough. The shop is at my partner James’ house and he happened to be home when this happened. I quickly grabbed a dirty towel and, doing my best not to panic, politely yelled that I needed to go to the ER, right that second.

On the ride to the ER, which was about twenty minutes away, I took stock of the situation. James, who teaches shop and technology education, asked me to double check that my fingers were still attached and not on the floor of the shop. Indeed they were still attached. I would be told later that I was very lucky to keep my fingers- none of the major tendons or arteries were damaged beyond repair.

I do my best to practice calm in my life. Strong reactions happen from time to time, and the best way to deal with them is to feel them, let them pass, and address what caused the strong reaction in the first place. This is an incredibly challenging thing to do and I don’t always do it well but I’ve gotten better at it over the years. On the ride to the ER I found impossible to calm down. I noticed that my thoughts were manic and erratic and I had trouble breathing normally. I felt a pretty deep sense of guilt and shame, as if I had this coming because I wasn’t slowing down. A doctor would later tell me that what I had experienced was an acute stress reaction and was normal for what I had experienced, largely in part from the sheer volume of adrenaline and other chemicals that my body had released.

The ER was a miserable experience. The ER doctor told me they would need to operate but they would need to transport me to another facility because there was no one covered by my insurance at that particular hospital. Nobody even looked at my fingers and I sat on a hospital bed and bled on myself for two hours before someone gave me any pain medicine. The paramedics finally arrived and bandaged my hand- the first time anyone had done anything. They pumped me full of IV fentanyl before loading me onto an ambulance to go to another hospital. Those guys knew how to get shit done, and in my very stoned state I kept telling them how glad I was that they were there.

We got to the next hospital, and my girlfriend met me there. In my state of shock I had forgotten my phone at the shop and James had called her. I was really glad she was there because it would be another four hours before the surgeon showed up. As it turned out he was not covered by my insurance either. Somebody had screwed up.

The worst part about the ER is that you are forced to make life-altering decisions when you are in a state of shock, and/or heavily medicated and not in your best of faculties. The surgeon gave me the option of going ahead with surgery but understood if I didn’t want to- he was very kind and professional, and pretty pissed that this was the way the system was working. I opted not to have surgery that night because it would have medically bankrupted me. I would never have been able to pay that kind of money back. I would have to find another surgeon on my own. He cleaned and temporarily stitched me up enough so that I could safely leave, which involved two incredibly painful nerve block shots and a pretty shoddy cast courtesy of the ER nurse- I think it was her first. By the time we left, my pharmacy had closed and the hospital wouldn’t send me home with any medication. I had to make it the night without pain pills or antibiotics (I would end up taking 2000mg of Keflex a day for 20 days- I was so filthy when I went in they were afraid I was going to give myself sepsis). We went home and tried to get some rest, because the next day would be busy.

I think this was what it looked like when the system fails you.

……

The next morning we got on the phone. We called my insurance company and they found a place that would take a look at me right away. Ironically enough their office was located at the first hospital I had gone to the day before. I met with an orthopedic surgeon and his nurse practitioner.

I found out that orthopedic surgeons do a lot of hip and knee replacements on the elderly, so when a young person comes in with an exciting injury everyone wants to see. I had no less than six people come and look at me, all very excited.

The doctor was really excited to work on me- he was an artist and I was his canvas. He drew me a picture of the procedure he would do and explained the whole thing. They were going to fuse the middle joint of my index finger which the table saw had blown out, and remove a bit of my thumb. I got another two painful shots of nerve block while he examined everything and moved some things back into place. There aren’t a whole lot of words to convey how painful those shots are- I nearly crushed my girlfriend’s hand with my good hand. My surgery would be two days from then, and they told me to rest. So that’s what I did.

I have always had trouble finding quiet places and allowing myself to rest. Now I had no choice. I called my work and told them what happened and that I wasn’t sure when I would be back in. I had to cancel some contractor work and push back a lot of client work. That was what hurt the most. My girlfriend and I watched a lot of Netflix, something we rarely ever do together. I don’t watch a whole lot of TV but over the next week I would watch more TV than I had in the past five years. And honestly it was really nice to check out. I slept a lot and took pain medication and was generally kind of dopey. I told my girlfriend that she was beautiful and I loved her, frequently. I couldn’t bathe myself, or put my contact lenses in, or dress myself. I just had to surrender to everything and let myself be helped.

…..

Two days later we went to have surgery done. I have never had any surgical procedure done before and was really nervous. They took me in the back and had me put on a hospital gown and fixed up an IV in me. After a large bump of a sedative they gave me a giant nerve block shot in my shoulder, which made my entire arm go numb. I was dopey but still semi-conscious when they wheeled me into the OR. They had music piped in- Bryan Adams was playing. From what I understand of these things, the anesthesiologist has you count backwards from one hundred till you knock out. Apparently they didn’t do this with me- I knocked out on my own singing ‘Heaven’ from Canada’s most famous musical export. I think this was an auspicious sign.

…..

After surgery everything was kind of fuzzy. We went home and my girlfriend put me in her bed and told me not to get up while she went to pick up my prescriptions. My entire left arm was completely numb from the nerve block and I remember being really hungry. Apparently I got up and ate an entire box of her kids’ Pop-Tarts while she was gone and then swore to her that I didn’t. There were Pop-Tart wrappers all over the place- I don’t remember any of this. I slept a whole lot and my dead arm, which I was supposed to keep elevated, kept falling and hitting me in the head. I had a whole pile of pills that I had to take and my girlfriend dutifully kept me on a tight schedule. The best I could do was tell her that I loved her and tell her how beautiful she was.

The next four days passed like that. She took off from her high stress-job and looked after me. She helped me bathe, made sure I was taking my medicine, and kept me fed. I would get really weepy from time to time. It was all a lot; the trauma from the accident, the bone-deep pain from the surgery, and the bills that would be coming (because even with insurance these procedures are very expensive), and the people I felt I had let down. Then there was this really wonderful woman taking care of me telling me that it was ok and how well I was doing. The pain medication peeled away all of the armor I usually wear to function in the world and so from time to time all of this would hit me and I would just sit there and cry.

A few days later we went to clean up my apartment. I had gotten off the major pain killers to see how my hand was doing so I could get back to my day job. In situations where there is a caregiver and a care receiver things can turn toxic and codependent— I’ve seen it happen. The pain pills can be addictive and I didn’t want to be a patient or lean on anyone if I didn’t have to.

I had a couple of my friends come over to help. I couldn’t really do a whole lot. My girlfriend spent two hours cleaning my shower- a knifemaker’s shower can get really dirty. One of my friends washed all my dishes for me. James had let me keep my car at his place till I could drive again, and I finally went and picked it up. And I started going back to work.

……

My two fingers have been in special splints as they heal, so I’ve been doing everything with eight fingers instead of ten. All the simple things I do that I never think about, like brushing my teeth or packing a backpack or making a sandwich, suddenly require a lot more thought and take twice as long. It’s really draining and frustrating and a full day of that makes me really tired.

One thing that continually catches me off guard is the amount of help that is available. Whenever there is something I can’t do there is always someone right there to help. Shortly after the surgery I was working a large concert and I had trouble getting a pack of snack crackers open. I had to grab a union stagehand, an older gentleman with a long white ponytail, and ask him if he could open my crackers for me. “Well sure brother,” he says. “Everybody needs a little help now and then.” Cue waterworks from me.

Getting back into the shop has been scary, and a slow process. I was in the middle of this knife when I injured myself and I had to keep emailing the client to push back when I would have it finished. I did all of the woodworking and leatherwork with eight fingers. It’s been an exercise in leaning into fear and getting back on the horse.

I tend to have a lot of quiet days of late. Quiet days allow everything to settle and help one’s focus to reset and help one to cultivate a sense of gratitude. They also allow for deep processing and healing. This is also lesson of the Woodsman. Any good person of the Woods knows how to find quiet and the goodness that comes from within. The second part of this build has been an exercise in just that.

O1 tool steel, out of the forge:

Hand sanding:

Computer board for the spacing material:

Mesquite from Texas for the handle:

All profiled:

Rough shaped on the grinder- from here out it’s all hand work:

This is at 220 grit:

Letting a bit of oil set in to help the grain to speak:

The Woodsman, Mark II:

Knifemaking: braving the storm and St. Elmo’s Fire

November 24, 2015February 10, 2016 / ballardmidyette / Leave a comment

“I have seen many storms in my life. Most storms have caught me by surprise, so I had to learn very quickly to look further and understand that I am not capable of controlling the weather, to exercise the art of patience and to respect the fury of nature.”

Paulo Coelho

St. Erasmus, or St. Elmo, is known as the patron saint of sailors. The namesake of this blade refers to a meteorological phenomenon that results from an electrically charged atmosphere that occurs during thunderstorms. It manifests itself as a series of blue sparks, with the mast of the ship acting as a conductor. During storms at sea, sailors would often observe St. Elmo’s Fire. It has always been symbolized as a sign of the Divine, and sailors knew that they were looked after when it appeared.

I made this blade with idea of it being a seaworthy vessel- something that has braved many storms and still has its spirit intact. Sometimes we brave so many storms that we forget how to enjoy the calm. Instead of having a life of calm punctuated by storms, it becomes a life of storms punctuated by calm.

The important thing to realize is that beneath the churning waves and far beneath the thunder, lightning and winds is an entire body of calm. And that there was calm before the storm and there will be calm after.

This isn’t to say that storms aren’t dangerous but they do come with their lessons. I’ve spent a good amount of life in a state of anxiety anticipating storms. Some of us have been conditioned to live in constant turbulence, lest we not be prepared for the foul weather. Over time, we stop differentiating between the calm and the turbulent seas and create a maelstrom where there is none because we haven’t ever known what that calm feels like. Shifting this type of thinking takes time and a good deal of work. To be perpetually worried of the storms robs you from fully enjoying the moment and the beautiful things that occupy the vast majority of time between. Ultimately you can’t control the Nature but you can control yourself.

This the lesson of St. Elmo’s Fire. To allow the storms to pass and to have faith that you will find safe passage through the rough waters. To feel your own calm in the midst of chaos. Oftentimes you can find out what you are really made of within that chaos.

This blade was a commission for a very old friend who did a lovely photoshoot for me. We’ve often talked about storms and how to get through them.

I did a series of kitchen knife designs and this one was sort of a wild card. Functionally she is a German style chef’s knife. The clip in the blade gives her some forward momentum. The drop in the handle rests comfortably in the heel of the hand, and also follows the natural line of the forearm through the wrist. The finger choil provides a comfortable resting place for the lower three fingers if a traditional chef’s grip is preferred.

The blade is 7.25″ long. Blades these long are a continual challenge for me to grind. If ground too thin they will warp and possibly crack during heat treat. On blades this large there is grinding before and after hardening and tempering.

I love working with Mesquite. It has a fiery bouquet.
St. Elmo’s Fire: 1095 spring steel with a phosphoric acid etch, Texas Mesquite handle and brass hardware.

There was some turkey involved on this past Thursday

Trust that the storm will pass.

Be sure to check out Lauren Serpa and her beautiful work.

Knifemaking: The Spellcaster Epilogue

June 9, 2015June 10, 2015 / ballardmidyette / Leave a comment

“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

The Spellcaster was a lesson in faith- I wasn’t sure if it would even turn out. I loved the idea that the steel came from a bedframe but I wouldn’t know if it would harden and temper properly till I had put in a lot of work on it. It did. I’ve been working on this blade a long time off and on and finally, like many things in life, I just had to take a leap and just go for it. It is a thinner blade, very nimble and made for a smaller hand (well, smaller than mine….)

The lesson here is to trust that things will be ok, even if they aren’t the way you expected they would be. Even if they aren’t the way you would like them to be. This is something I struggle with- letting things be as they are. In order to finish this blade I had to let it be as it was. Only then could I see how beautiful it really was.

This is after heat treat. A file couldn’t touch it. The bedframe delivered…

I used white oak for the handle. I love oak. It has mass and it’s heavy. It takes up space and lets you know that it’s there. In Celtic lore, oak is a protector, wise and strong and a bridge to otherworldly places. I wanted that for this blade.

This is a beautiful process and one of my favorites:

Roughing it out…The grain is starting to come out…there is a woodworkers’ trick where the wood is rubbed down lightly with water and allowed to sit- this brings the grain to prominence.There she is….